they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
