I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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