My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
