They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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