Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
