you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
