I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
