Already got asked if we're dating
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i drank out of a bidet.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
