it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
