i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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