no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
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