There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
