the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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