Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
