Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
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Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
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I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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