It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
