Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
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I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
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As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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