Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic