someone threw a dead crab at me
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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