My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.