Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"