Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.