1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
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i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
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If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.