my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.