my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize