i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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