What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
