I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
