I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So many bounce houses so little time
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
