its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
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Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
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Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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