Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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