from now on my penis is your penis
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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