we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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