i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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