woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
