Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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