Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
