hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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