i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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