He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
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he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
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He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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