Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
