you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
