mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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