It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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