Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
