that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
