I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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