hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
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Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
as a side note pls kill me
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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