i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
