I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize