If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just gargled with NyQuil
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
