I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
