Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
