If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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