If that was your dad, he is hot
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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