I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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