This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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