Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
