im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
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I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize