New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
