I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
