she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
