this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
