Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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