I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
