i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize