just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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